I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
