I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Boobs are out for the taking
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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