I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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