so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize