this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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