i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
