I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize