i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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