I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
