So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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