She is in my trunk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
