trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
