The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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