You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
