I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
