Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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