I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
