he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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