her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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