Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
