My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
