Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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