I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
