you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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