Porn is love you can see.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
