So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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