we have pet lesbian snakes
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
