I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
