it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
