My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
