Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
