Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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