If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
