I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
