whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
