I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
