Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
