White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
