So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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