shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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