i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize