Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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