I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
