And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
