I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
