Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
its liver damage thursday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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