I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
