I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
