hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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