4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
