i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
