I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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