wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
