Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
