At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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