oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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