You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
