hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
