Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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