i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
