Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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