ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
