listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
