Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
