I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
