Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
