dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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