The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
