maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dignity is for republicans.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
