I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
