Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize