just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
