You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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