A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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