You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
