I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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