I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you would pick up someone in the library
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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