Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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