every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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