I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
