I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
try to milk me bitch
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