he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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