True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
