chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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