If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
