If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
