I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
