The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How's work?
Spinning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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