Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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