You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
