summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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