Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
