I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
