i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
