i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
