I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
