Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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